I am stable.

I am stable. When I say that I mean I am stable socially, in how I have a nice group of friends, academically, in how I am keeping up with my slightly challenging schedule, spiritually, in how I am getting closer to God by actually listening during church and regularly praying, and with my "situation" with David in how I am starting to think he still is into me. I'm so used to being on this emotional train ranging from being happy and very confident to sad and feeling useless, that I don't know what to really do. There isn't some large conflict that I'm having to deal with so this feeling of being carefree is so unfamiliar it feels wrong. According to my friends, I have a whole new type of confidence that they've never seen in me before. I can sense it in my actions. I'm no longer afraid to talk to the "popular" kids, I tend to stand up for myself more often, etc. I think I decided that I wanted to be more confident this school year...I heard confidence is beautiful. Since I've made this change, I have more fun, I'm less stressed, and I tend to be more friendly and open. Although I cannot say the same about how I am with David.

Ever since the last time I spoke to him things between us have almost been dead. Throughout the entire week after I talked to him, I avoided eye contact and basically pretended he wasn't there. He just makes me very nervous. Lately, I have come out of my shell a bit by making eye contact to the point where it's obvious something is there. David, being well-known and all, has a lot of close friends, well, I call them spies. I am positive that if he likes me, they know. They watch me to see if I look at him and when I'm around they give David these weird looks. His friends are what is making this entire situation really excited/nerve-racking. It's not like I can just stare at him as often as I want, they are literally watching me...it makes me uncomfortable. Still, I haven't said anything to him, and I feel like I am losing him. I don't mean to play games, I just get really nervous. Therefore, my friends and I have come up with a plan. She sees him in the hallway after class everyday so she agreed to tell him that she thinks I am into him. She is going to say more to make it seems like I don't know she's telling him. I truly think this is one of the only ways to get things moving again. I'm just afraid of his reaction and what will happen after that. Will everyone know? Will people come up to me and ask if it's true? I guess it's say to say I'm pumped for Tuesday, the day we go back to school...the moment of truth.